My Mother was “nearly perfect”. I say that because we all know that only Jesus was really perfect so I wanted to begin this blog with the absolute truth about my Mother.
Mama taught the three of us many important things but today I’m only covering 5 social graces that she stressed.(Yes, there were others but…)
Nearly perfect moms do some really good training when their children are growing.Mine felt these thoughts to be especially important. Below are 5 social graces that nearly perfect moms teach and how they found success in their endeavors.
Focus on Others–
A lot of children fold into the arms of a parent when visiting the home of someone else. Some cry, some put their heads down and others turn away. This can be embarrassing for the parents and frustrating for the host as the host wants to hear a big hello or get a hug or something of the kind.
To find success in this area, the nearly perfect parents have a discussion before the family reaches the door of the host family. “Now we are going to see Aunt Mary. I want you to pay careful attention to her dress and later be able to tell me what color it is and how many buttons are on the dress.” or the parent might say, “We’re going into Aunt Mary’s house now. Aunt Mary and others are going to grab you to hug you. The grabbing and hugging is going to take about 10 minutes. They do this because they love you so I want you to let them speak to you. I want you to focus on the person hugging you, give them back one hug and after all of the hugging you can run off with your cousins”. Sometimes parents explain that the first 10 minutes of greetings in a home is not about “them” but instead about the host. These before-hand discussions are very important in the teaching of social graces. It helps the child know what is up and coming and why someone is going to hug them at the door.
Speak or Acknowledge When You Walk In The Door
I learned at a very young age that it is my job and duty to acknowledge another person who is in the room. I know that when I go anywhere in a meet and greet situation, the first 10 minutes of that event is not about me at all. It is about greetings and I am to simply participate.
While growing up, I knew that if I every walked into a room where there is another person, it was my job to speak even if I did not know that person. I was taught that to simply say “hello”, “good morning” or even to give eye contact and a nod was important. To this day, if I walk into a post office or room of any kind and there is only one person there whom I do not even know, I simply acknowledge them. I was taught that warm bodies are important and that I should speak if nothing else.
Take Something When Visiting Others
In the book, The Wide and Lonesome Prairie by Christina Gregory, a selfish character in the book, Mrs. Kenker, went to all events empy-handed. At the end of the book, she dies on the outskirts of town and without anyone checking on her for weeks. She had hardly any relationships and in truth, her greed didn’t build friendships. She died alone.
When visiting others, it is a social grace to take “something” to the person who is hosting the party or the one who has invited you over for burgers and fries. It is not expected or even warranted, it is a social grace that drives unselfishness. Nearly perfect mothers teach this social grace to their children early in life. My Mother taught us this important thing and we learned to work on being giving and not selfish.
Return a Dish With Something Inside
We’ve all had someone bake us a cake or send us some food that comes in their dish. The honor of distinction was for the person who received the cake, pudding or food in the dish. The honor of appreciation goes to the person who baked it or brought it. Items put in the dish do not have to be food. It could be a heart-felt thank you card, a photograph of you and that person, or a bag of kisses from the Hershey company. The reward inside the container is not the important thing, it ’s what is in the heart of the person who put it there, so that person should select something meaningful.
Saying Appreciative Goodbyes
After visiting a home, it is quite appropriate to go to the host and thank him, her or both of them for the food, drinks or for being invited to the event. They did not have to think of you but they did and appreciation for coming would be acknowledged with a simple, “Thank you so much for having us. We had such a nice time”. The goodbye does not need to be long or lengthy just spoken with sincerity. To teach children to do this, it is appropriate to have the child tell his or her friend goodbye and thank him or her and allow the child to see the adults thank adults. It is not necessary to force kids to thank adults if there are no children involved. Parents can do it in front of the child and include his/her name. “Tommy, Jason and I appreciate your having us over. Thank you” or something of the like.
Social graces are taught or they are not learned. Every nearly perfect mother knows this. And, every mother knows that to get good results, children must have had conversation about what is expected of them in all settings . Nearly perfect mothers would never send their child into a room without knowing that he or she is expected to behave a certain way. Social graces are taught. My Mother taught them to us. Sometimes I find myself getting wrapped up in myself but I am so often brought back to my Mother’s words- “Remember when greeting Uncle, the hello is not about you, it’s about appreciating seeing him”. My nearly perfect Mother’s lessons are still going forward.
