Most of you have been through the loss of a loved one. This is my first real experience with someone close to me. It is a worrisome time filled with a multitude of pain, questions and confusion. When you lose a loved-one it is normal to have these feelings. I can see this is true.
Since losing my Grandpa, I realize that this type loss brings about feelings of helplessness and possible alone feelings, even surround by those who love you. I read that these could be signs of real depression. Of course, grieving is normal if you have lost someone. The period of time after the death is to heal and lean on those around you for support and comfort. Everyone reacts differently to sorrow. That is what makes us human.
It has been a month since my Granddad passed away. I am still trying to make sense of his death even knowing he had a long and prosperous life at 94. My emotions are high but I am aware that this is part of the healing process. I have read several things about the common grieving process but even knowing the steps, I cannot prevent feelings of sadness from his loss.
Here are the steps of possible depression:
Stage One: shock and numbness
He was ninety four but a healthy ninety four year old with no sign of concern prior to admission to hospital for urinary infection.
Stage two: Bargaining
I thought so many times, if I was not so consumed with my little one, I would have been in the hospital and rehab center making him getup, get dressed and help him walk each day.
Stage three: Depression
I have never felt as sad as I do right now. I have truly felt the full extent of his death in recent days. Serious crying spells, lack of energy and major self-pity have occurred over this loss.
Stage Four: Anger
I do have a bit of anger but one thing is for sure, I am a lover to the end and I don’t know why I feel angry and at whom? I always give my full heart to everyone I love. Anger might be coming for me but sorrow and tears are more prevalent in most cases.
State Five: Acceptance
In time, I know my feelings will settle a bit. Accepting my Granddad’s loss and smiling over the memories and not just weeping at them will prevail. That will be a wonderful feeling.
All of our heeling will be handled differently but never I will not let my Grandad die within me.. That is most important. I will speak his stories and visit those memorable places where we went again and again.
As much as I miss my Grandfather, I truly miss seeing my Mema too. She has been staying seventy miles from me since Granddad’s passing and I miss her. Seventy miles in not a long ride, unless you have a toddler. Yesterday, I called and spoke with her and I am excited to report she’s doing wonderful. Mema sounded in great spirits and full of life as always. More exciting news… I made plans to see her this Thursday. I can’t wait to see Ramey hug and kiss his great grandmother. Pictures to come.
Catch ya’ real soon.
Katie Girl