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Day 11 -(Writing 31 Days Project) Just Don’t Be Surprised
We all, from time to time “ act the fool”. We say things we shouldn’t. We don’t do things we should and we act in ways unbecoming a Christian. For those things, we often realize that we must say the difficult words- “I’m sorry”.
Saying I’m sorry really is not easy. We’re forced to recount our wrong-doing and apologize for our behavior. We’re put in a position to admit our error and “eat crow” as is often said. But, as a Child of God, we know that we must follow the Scripture’s advise and repent in order that our relationships don’t suffer loss.
When we don’t forgive we miss blessings that we could have gotten. Unforgiveness brings about stress and heaviness in our bodies. Our heart can become hard and develop a gateway for Satan to work in our lives. Forgiveness is a must because the Scripture so aptly says: “Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening?” Of course the answer to that is no thus we must send forth fresh water from our lives and not bitterness.
The Other Side of Forgiveness
But there is another side to the forgiveness situation and that of the one that was wronged. Forgiveness and accepting someone’s “I’m sorry” are two different things and involving two different people. So, I caution you…
Don’t Be Surprised
Do not be surprised if when you ask forgiveness that the person does not respond as you wished. You may have been hoping for a ready agreement from them that all is well again between the two of you and then you find out the person is cold and unwilling to commit to the forgiveness angle. But you don’t know how hard this hit him or her or to what extent that person was “hurt”, angered or felt betrayed by your action. While you may have mulled over the bright sides of forgiving and getting back the same relationship you had with that person, that one may be so immersed in their wound that he or she may see the relationship finished forever. The wounded may perceive a complete “no trust you” position going forward and we know that will bring limitations to your partnership.
So, here are a some tips for asking and hopefully over time, receiving forgiveness for your error.
(At some point, we will all need these tips because at some juncture we will all do something to ruffle the feathers of someone else).
1. Before asking forgiveness from anyone, ask God to forgive you. Get your situation straight with the Creator of all before trying to go to the human element. And, certainly, ask God to go before you as you work in an effort to ask forgiveness from someone.Ask Him to prepare their heart. Ask Him to work in them that they accept your forgiveness in the spirit that you are asking.
2. Go to the person and ask forgiveness. You must be real and true and you must absolutely NOT say things like “If I did this or that” or “While you did this to me, I know that I….”. No. You must go straight to this person and bare yourself before them in sorrow and ask their forgiveness. You cannot attach it to anything but your part. You will not one day be accountable for how that person acted but for your own response. It is a good thing to say something like” “I’ve asked God to forgive me and now I’m asking you to forgive me for…..”
3. DO NOT go into details about the situation because you’ll only rehash what was already said and bring back feelings of hurt and frustration. Instead, simply state what you did and how you’re sorry and ask them for forgiveness and leave. Do not stay to mull over the occurrence and surely don’t go over what happened. Be clear, quick and out.
4. DON’T BE SURPRISED if this person does not accept your apology or even accept it half-heartedly or even say nothing at all. Sometimes a person is simply not ready. Many times the forgiveness thing has nothing to do with you but with something in that person’s past, a family situation or the hurt in their young life that is brought up by a situation like this exposed. So, don’t be surprised at all if the forgiveness does not come forth quickly or with fervor.
5. Realize that everyone is different. Backgrounds are not the same. Family situations are completely different and personality traits don’t run along the same behaviors thus, forgiving may take more time or more resolve. And remember- you erred so you must be the patient one.
6. IF the person refuses to forgive, you must not get offended or mad. You must, leave in the positive with words like, “I hope you can, in time forgive me”. or “Over time, I will show you that I’m truly sorry”. or “Because of my actions, you will see a different person in the future from me”. And then, you must truly show yourself sorry. Not by bowing and scraping but by being honest and true in your dealings with this person.
Whatever you do, depend first on God’s forgiveness and once you truly ask for His forgiveness, realize that is all that you can do except to be true in your actions from that point forward.
We all act the fool from time to time and each of us find ourselves saying those dreaded words, “I’m sorry” but those dreaded words can be healing words for the soul. Just don’t be surprised the turns and twists that saying them brings.
Josie