How To Remain Friends After The Kids Arrive

As each of us grow older in life we move though different stages. At some point you will either have kids or not, and your friends will either follow suite or not. It can be a difficult road creating obstacles in your friendships. The good news is that these differences do not have to be the death of your forever friendships.

Your childfree friends are the same trusted humans you be-friended years ago. Yes, the choices in your individual lives have changed but that does not mean it has to be a barrier. We can still be friends.

Okay, so the late night partying will stop as will the fifty text-me-back posts and there won’t be the long emails about who knows what and that definitely means someone is going to be out of the loop but you still have the memories to talk about.

As a new parent myself, at this point, I  have few close friends with children. I miss all of my friends but with a baby things have really changed.   One thing I have learned is to not be so fixated on myself no matter.  When possible, I reach out and meet with various friends. I make an effort to be kind, give of myself, treasure the moments and defer to others’ needs.

This topic is a universal issue, and often misunderstood on both sides. We can still talk to each other, show interest in each other’s lives, show care, express joy, empathy and sympathy when needed.

So my schedule, interest and marital status changed, and then I began to think “now what?” My typical Sunday Funday’s are not so typical to my single friends anymore. Having a baby really changed things.

Still in all, I work in an effort to see my friends, talk to them, keep up with them through social media and I’m so happy to do the occasional lunch or dinner thing. Those who research the topic say that many  times visits may be shorter and the conversation more shallow since the common denominator (the kid-free single life) is not so common anymore. Some say the time spent can be awkward in the moments of silence therefore the visit become fewer and far between.

What I know though is that there is a secret to friendships, and that is remembering each other exists. One party should not be required to carry the entire friendship. Both parties should try to keep in touch in some way.  It can be as simple as a note, call, text, email or tag on Facebook.  It’s important that a plan is made by both parties to keep the friendship going. Being a true friend is being a true friend.

Here are a few suggestion for keeping that friendships alive

1. Schedule a specific date & time to see each other
2. Commit and find a way to make it work
3. Allow for change
4. Include each other even if you feel they might say no
5. Remember each situation has multiple angles
6. Tell it like it is – or it will come out in the end
7. Take joy in each others glee, even if you do not see the appeal

Honestly, I am just glad to have friends to lean on and call on no matter the situation. Does it really matter about the child issue? The road might be a bit difficult at times; particularly at first. For sure, changing  expectations is a must so as to deal with the new life style of the one’s with the child.  Things are certainly different and it must be dealt with for both friends.

I’m so thankful for the friends I have. They have stayed with us through our new addition changes and I’m grateful for their love.

Katie Girl