We all have different point of views on various topics. A great deal of the time it does not matter if we differ with another person because our disagreement won’t affect that one or his or her lifestyle. In cases like this, we simply move along on our own path and others move along on theirs. In conversation, we simply “agree to disagree” and because our paths on this issue do not intersect, there is generally no problem.
But there are times that decisions matter to both parties and to “agree to disagree” just cannot work. In such cases, a resolution must be made and at some point, one party will need to stand down, so to speak. Sometimes, it means the loss of a disagreement and other times it means a compromise. We are all in hopes that truth and right wins over but sometimes cases are simply not that cut and dried. If a compromise is not made, someone wins the fight whether it be right or wrong.
As we look into debating issues, fair fighting is a must and so here are 10 ways to fight fair.
1. Stick to the facts-Truths are very important when trying to resolve an issue. When both sides can look at the same facts, it’s easier to come to a sound conclusion.
2. Avoid opinions as much as possible. Opinions muddy the water. Opinions bring about “my way” attitudes, emotional debates and often obscure the facts. Opinions are often based on personal life experiences or preferences and when settling issues, facts should be used so as to not lean toward one person or another.
3. Try to stay away from emotional responses. This goes back to sticking with facts and truths of the situation. Emotions can be tender, sensitive and raw. And, emotions can be based on personal preferences of which neither party can see eye-to eye. As a result, they can bring about feelings that remove objectivity.
4. Avoid saying mean or ugly things. This is hard to do especially if the issue is tender and sensitive to both parties. But, try as much as possible not to say things that you will regret. Sticking to the facts will help in this area. Each of us can deal with truth but saying mean things will only develop hurt feelings and guilt.
5. No name calling- No one likes to be labeled so avoid name calling and labeling someone’s personalty or actions. Sticking to truths will help in this area. While someone may be “bossy” to you, another person may call that “leadership”. While someone may be “bussy”, another person may think of this as “decisive”.
6. Think objectively. Stay thinking along the objective line. What is the “object” of the final decision. How is this decision going to affect both parties objectively? What does the paperwork say about the issue? How will a decision one way affect each party one way or the other?
7. Try to see the situation from both points of view- If you can see the situation as the other person is seeing it, at least you can imagine how they are perceiving the issue. While you may not agree, at least you can see their side and it may even give you insight into helping put closure on the issue.
8. Realize that you may not “win” the battle. Your way of thinking may not be chosen as the path for the decision and you must live with it. If you’ve stuck with the facts, both written and verbal and a decision was made, you must accept the final conclusion and move on. Even if you feel you were slighted, once the decision has been made and there is no changing it, then for your own sanity and happiness, move on. Move forward.
9. If you lose, you must move on. After a decision has been made and you still feel that even based on the facts of the situation you have been wronged, you must give it over to the Lord. The decision has been made and ultimately, He will reward or judge another person for their error, if that was the case. To live in anger over the decision will only eat you up. So, you must let it go and move on anyhow, regardless.
10. Move along with purpose. If you were on the winning side of the debate, it will be important to be a gracious winner. If you’re on the losing side of the decision, again, sticking with the facts of the situation is the best policy and hashing and rehashing after the decision has been made will not be a good option for anyone. If you must, say your piece and then move on. As best as you possibly can, say it firmly, securely and with full emphasis and then let it go- forever! It may not be easy and over time, you may want to hash or rehash but you must not. Move on and let by gone’s be by gone’s!
