The feelings of disbelief and sadness has set in. The weight of grief has touched my heart like I’ve never felt before. Saturday, I lost my Granddad, who I have been very close to for as long as I can remember. I know I share this pain with so many but that does not make it easier. My tears keep falling; so many I can not count. Although, there is nothing to make this easier and something no one can change, the pain intensifies daily.
I enjoyed countless wonderful moments with him. I gave all the love I could and never held back. I visited and wrote often, but knowing all of this has not made the pain any less. I was aware Granddad was very ill and at one point received word he may not ever return home from his rehabilitation center. He was 94 years old and we all know a person cannot live forever on this earth but it was still hard to face.
Almost 2 months ago the family began preparing for his return home. A ramp was built on the front of his house and days later he arrived to the home he built with his bare hands. This was a relief for so many and for me too. It was a sign he was more stable. I could not wait for him to walk me out to my car again and wave to me until I was out of sight. But the moment he arrived home his health plummeted with little to no communication or responses. My visits were definitely different and scary. The thought of losing him crossed my mind but knowing his strength I was sure things would turn around. Three weeks after his return home after being in a rehabilitation center for four months Alec P. Vaughan passed the morning of April 11, 2015.
As I write of his death my eyes are filled with tears. Yes, the call on the morning of April 11th from my mom was hurtful but his funeral was when the pain really set in. I watched my Mema being helped out of her wheelchair to look at her beloved husband of 39 years. I watched my mom hold back tears as others spoke of the wonderful works of her father. Although, we are confident he is in heaven with many crowns, there is a empty spot left here on earth. As of right now, it does not matter the amount of time we talked, letters we wrote or moments we spent together. It’s the fact, we miss him and wish he was here to write to, call, or go see, right now. This is something out of our control and something that cannot be reversed.
Granddad lived a long fulfilled life but I wish for my own selfishness, I had more time with him. These past few days, I have dug though scrapbooks and photo albums looking for pictures of him. Opening each book finding picture after picture and hand written letters. I have been barely able to see because of the tears but I smile because of all the wonderful moments we shared. I will never forget the lake house playing ping pong, “king of the dock”, and horse shoes. I will never forget the stories he told me over and over shaking that stub finger at me. He had lost the end of his pointer finger in a drill accident years earlier. It became a point near to my heart.
I will never forget his whistling while driving all the time and always remember him walking me out to my car saying “Love ya honey”. I will never forget his pinching my cheeks and squeezing my knee saying, “Half pint goes crunch crunch”. I will remember forever his always telling me how proud he was of me. Remembering his garden and waving to me from that old tractor he plowed will be an image in my mind as long as I live. Once when we were swimming, he shot a moccasin in our pond with one shot. We said it couldn’t be done but he was about the safety of his family.
At Christmas we drove the neighborhoods looking at lights together and in the summer, we walked our family “lane” at his home place in South Carolina. Ah, there, we heard about growing up on the farm, of his days young and of his dreams to come. We became his dream.
I will never forget how hard he worked to help my mom with all her rentals. I will never forget how he walked me to Crystal Spring elementary school and how he could rig, I mean, fix anything. He was at my wedding and said a beautiful prayer beginning with the words, “Our Father and Our God”. I will never forget the way he shook my new husband, Daniels hand; firm and strong. I will never forget him meeting my son for the first time. Near and dear to my heart, he always told me that he loved me.
It’s wild to think we will all leave this earth one day. Leaving behind friends, family members, co-workers, and all our worldly possessions. Life without Jesus will only grant eternal life in hell. Having lost my Grandfather helps me grasp the seriousness of eternity in knowing that our only hope is our Lord Jesus Christ.
Katie Girl
