As so many of you know from my last post regarding my granddaddy, he is ill and in a rehabilitation facility. What you probably don’t know is, last week he didn’t recognize me. Yes, he has been ill and I am aware of his alzheimers but it’s always seemed as if his long-term memory has remained in tact. My grandpa not recognizing me had never crossed my mind and the visit with Grandpa that day, I felt such pain. As I stood beside him patting his hand talking, he looked at me as if I were a stranger. He even asked my mama “Who is that?”. My heart became even more tender and ached. The heartache was not just for me or my Grandpa but for my Mema and my mama too. They spend a great deal of time dealing with all of the issues surrounding his illness. It hurt for me but I knew it hurt them too.
After visiting with my grandaddy a bit I knelt beside my mama. As I held her hand, I asked her if grandpa spoke to her much? She told me “Some days are better than others but he doesn’t say too much anymore.” I squeezed her hand a bit tighter holding back the tears. I wanted to say something positive but I couldn’t find the words. I had to excuse myself for the sake of tears so I said my goodbyes.
I didn’t visit grandpa again for a little over a week. The thought of explaining who I was hit me so very hard. Knowing I could not stop visiting my grandparents, I showed my face again. Walking down the hallway of the center I prayed for a strong heart and words of wisdom. Then, rounding the corner at the nurses station sat my granddaddy. Loudly, I said “Grandpa”. He looked up immediately and the nurse said “I am so glad you are here, he has been dying to get up.” As I walked towards him he smiled and called me by name. You have no idea the tears that wanted to fall due to my happiness. We laughed, smiled, hugged and loved for a bit. Grandpa talked to Daniel, my husband, just as he always had and shook our sweet baby’s hand a dozen times.
I want you to know, I’ve always felt my visits were important no matter what he knew (to my knowledge) but it sure felt good for him to call me by name. The pain of walking into his room and having Grandpa not recognize me truly tore me apart. I even contemplated not visiting him again at one point and only visiting my mama before she left for the rehab center. I mean why visit if he does not know me? Why go through the pain of sitting there, when he doesn’t even know me? Then I thought about my Grandad and how he needed my visit, my Mema, who welcomed me each time and my Mama and her love for her Daddy, I knew I must continue. My mama loves her Daddy and I’ve watched her wanting his best. What a testimony of love we should all experience.
One heart filled with joy signing out.
Katie Girl
