My parents were near perfect and if there were any parents that gave their kids their best, it was my Mom and Dad. Here are 10 things they did right:
1. Demonstrated True Love
All of my life, I have seen real love and affection. Hand-holding, arm rubbing, a wink, a smile, hugs, kisses and even nudges of affection were common in our home. We were not permitted to say ugly things to one another and if we did, we were taken to the task of saying we were sorry then all was well on the home front. There was, on a whole, harmony in our home. When bumps in the road occurred, it was generally related to some mechanical failure; the car wouldn’t start, the used lawn mower blew a gasket, the band saw broke a blade on a non-pay-day weekend. Worse, one of us let the horse and cows out and they got into Mr. Nixes’ feed bin. Oh my!
2. Loved Unconditionally
Looking back, I see why I never had a self esteem problem. I had other problems mind you, but feeling for a lack of importance and worth was never a problem for me. From birth until 7th grade, I had a large dark brown birth mark on my right temple. I should have felt slighted, damaged, possibly embarrassed but my parents called it a “beauty mark” and I believed them.. They had always been honest with me. Why would I not believe every word out of their mouths? Because of safety issues, my parents had it removed when I was in 7th grade. I have no idea what would have happened if it remained but feeling loved unconditionally was a staple in our home so I doubt it would have mattered. My parents were straight shooters. In other words, they loved unconditionally but they told the truth about our actions and behaviors. We knew exactly where we stood and what the expectation of greatness was and we tried for it every time. Even in failure, we learned to dust off and go again. I’ve wiped my hands and knees many times but all looking forward in advancement.
3. Argued in Private ( If they did?)
I can’t even count on one hand the number of arguments of my parents. I’m sure they had them. They weren’t perfect but to my knowledge they kept us out of any fray thus there was little drama in our family matters.
4. Saved bonds and worked extra hours so that all three of their children could go to college. All 3 of us attended a 4 year college and beyond. From the time we were young, our parents talked college, saved for college and prepared us for the day that we would have an educational awakening. I cannot speak for my siblings but in high school, I certainly worried about even getting into college. I was so focused on playing sports and lettering in #23, who cared about life beyond high point in high school or hitting a homer but my parents were focused and to college I went! There were times that my parents had 2 of us in college at the same time. What a sacrifice as my mother was a stay-at-home mom who did her part. She shopped at Solomon’s to get the bent can and box specials so college could be afforded.
5. Taught Leadership Skills at a Young Age
The 3 of us children have been leaders in our area of influence. Our parents had us in front of a crowd early. I remember my sister and I standing in front of the family reciting poetry and rehearsing and rehearsing until we got it right. My brother and I played and sung at various coffee shops when younger; he with his bass and me with my guitar; a Martin 12 string no less.
6. Worked Hard and Played Hard
Every Saturday while our parents were building our house on the west side of the city of Jacksonville, we went and spent all day working. It was work, work, work but on other occasions, we were permitted to run free and break the wind with our faces.
7. Scraped and Saved to Make Things Work
My mother was the saver and the one careful with the money. My older sister, brother and I wanted Villager blouses, Gant shirts and Weejun shoes. While my mother scraped and pinched those pennies, she also put aside money to help each of us visit the sales’ racks at Rosenblum’s in downtown Jacksonville from time to time. It was at those racks I was taught to appreciate how hard my daddy worked, for my mother used those discussions at that time to remind us that we were at that exciting circular because of our dad’s hard work. I remember that I wore the pink flowered Villager until it was faded.
8. Lived Out Their Faith
We did not miss Sunday morning services. We did not miss Sunday evening services. We did not miss Wednesday evening services. We went to visitation every Tuesday and pot luck suppers on Saturday. There was no cursing in our home (although my Dad had his moments with the used lawn mower!- Sorry Dad, had to tell it like it was. LOL). My mother, the beacon of faith in Jesus was our fortress. She stood for Jesus. Loved Jesus. Lived for Jesus and I’m so grateful today that she did, because I got to see a real Saint.
9. Provided With The Niceties of Life
With my father being the only income, money was always tight. They were focusing on paying for their own land, building their own home and college in the future for their three children. There was no extra money. We ate at home. We rarely and I do mean rarely ate at a restaurant and if so, it was not a meal but a burger at The Krystal and with no drink.(Cost too much!). But, we had everything we ever wanted. We had cows and chickens which provided meat and eggs for the table. We literally dug our own Olympic-sized pool and had a horse for transportation. To my remembrance, we wanted for nothing.
10. Prepared for Their Old Age
My Father was 94 last month and he was wise in setting up long term care for old age. Too, he’s paid for his burial and will be laid next to my mother, the bride of his youth. How wise he has been.
There are really no words to thank God for all he provided for me in growing up in my home. We were not wealthy. Our family was middle class but we were far from average. We grew up knowing who we were and what we were to do. “Live for Jesus and make a difference Nannie.” “Live for Jesus and make a difference”, my mother would say.
Nannette Vaughan Ramey (Nan) aka “Josie”
